Sunday 9 May 2010

Alphabet Of Sick Fruit



Alphabet Of Sick Fruit


A is for apricots under the weather
B is for bananas with yellow fever
C is for cranberries feeling very sneezy, hah!
D is for dates with galloping amnesia
E is for elderberries with water retention
F is for figs with a fungal infection
G is for grapes with terrible skin
H is for rose hips that need replacing
I is for incredible jumping plum disease
J is for juniper with knobbly knees
K is for kiwi fruit with rotten dandruff
L is for lychees all covered in fluff
M is for mango wityh in-growing pips
N is for nectarine with dry old chapped lips
O is for oranges suffering with scurvy
P is for pineapples all jumpy and nervy
Q is for quince who are feeling unwell
R is for raspberries beginning to smell
S is for satsumas with all kinds of woes
T is for tomatoes like a clown's nose
U is for unhappy lemons left out of the L's
V is for vanilla with no sense of smell
W is for watermelon feeling sea-sicky

O dear this last bit gets quite tricky!
X,Y and Z fruits, I have never met
So that's the end of my sick alphabet

Brussel Sprouts From Venus



Brussel Sprouts From Venus



Brussel sprouts from Venus
They are the vilest and meanest
Alien life forms to invade our turf
I've seen those evil vegetables
Landing in their flying collanders
Smelling like nothing on earth

Gruesome gherkins from Jupiter
Dripping with slime and covered in hair
Ray guns at their hips
They rampage across our planet
Zapping everything that moves
Spitting out seeds and poisonous pips

Red raging rhubarb from Mars
Pickled onions in their flying jars
Putrid potatoes with nasty green eyes
All hell bent on world domination
I really will not rest
Until they are caught and put in pies