Sunday, 28 November 2010
Friday, 19 November 2010
Monday, 8 November 2010
A Fun Guy To Be With
Off to the glowing woods we go
To find fungi hiding under the trees
Behind those dripping clumps of weeds
Get down on your hands and knees
And give the little puff ball a squeeze
Pile up high the toadstools
Gather them in their dozens
Be careful though as some are sticky
Make you sick and a bit icky
Choosing can be sometimes tricky
Tuesday, 27 July 2010
My team is Cubis United
They are the best in all the land
Always ready for a game
With every team around
Heading the ball is difficult
Because they have no heads
Just blocks of oak and chestnut
And cubes of sycamore
But they can kick and dribble
As fast any Renaldo
Their heads maybe made of wood
But their feet are made of lightning
Tuesday, 29 June 2010
Sunday, 9 May 2010
Alphabet Of Sick Fruit
A is for apricots under the weather
B is for bananas with yellow fever
C is for cranberries feeling very sneezy, hah!
D is for dates with galloping amnesia
E is for elderberries with water retention
F is for figs with a fungal infection
G is for grapes with terrible skin
H is for rose hips that need replacing
I is for incredible jumping plum disease
J is for juniper with knobbly knees
K is for kiwi fruit with rotten dandruff
L is for lychees all covered in fluff
M is for mango wityh in-growing pips
N is for nectarine with dry old chapped lips
O is for oranges suffering with scurvy
P is for pineapples all jumpy and nervy
Q is for quince who are feeling unwell
R is for raspberries beginning to smell
S is for satsumas with all kinds of woes
T is for tomatoes like a clown's nose
U is for unhappy lemons left out of the L's
V is for vanilla with no sense of smell
W is for watermelon feeling sea-sicky
O dear this last bit gets quite tricky!
X,Y and Z fruits, I have never met
So that's the end of my sick alphabet
Brussel Sprouts From Venus
Brussel sprouts from Venus
They are the vilest and meanest
Alien life forms to invade our turf
I've seen those evil vegetables
Landing in their flying collanders
Smelling like nothing on earth
Gruesome gherkins from Jupiter
Dripping with slime and covered in hair
Ray guns at their hips
They rampage across our planet
Zapping everything that moves
Spitting out seeds and poisonous pips
Red raging rhubarb from Mars
Pickled onions in their flying jars
Putrid potatoes with nasty green eyes
All hell bent on world domination
I really will not rest
Until they are caught and put in pies
Saturday, 10 April 2010
Nibbles at two? I don't mind if I do
I say, the evening air is a bit nippy up here
Shall we retire to the drawing room for sherry
Or would you rather have a small beer
Wonderful view of the stars don't you know
Quite delightfully spiffy
Jeeves has just gone inside for cigars
He'll be back again in a jiffy
Please take a look at my etchings
There are some lovely one's of the moon
I bought them at Harrods this morning
Along with a fine silver spoon
Friday, 19 March 2010
Come friendly cheese and fall on cows
There is no reason to go there now.
They moo and grunt and cluck like hens
They spill their butter on the lens
The camera clicks the shutter blinks
The cheese is off and really stinks
My yoghurt pot is all askew
Just what Am I to do with you?
Give me one reason to shut the gate
To stop the hairy things escape
They are no good for man nor cheese
Grind them up for sausages please.
Wednesday, 24 February 2010
Ali Basham's Eyeball
Ali Basham's eyeball was a fine sight
Glowing by the fire in the bright moonlight
It was the fairest eye in town
One day pink and the next day brown
Ali Basham's eyeball did sparkle so
It twinkled in the mid day snow
It winked and blinked and jiggled around
One day it popped out with a horrible sound
Ali Bashum's eyeball was a fine fellow
Sitting on a cushion of blue and yellow
It oggled and boggled and looked at me
The fairest eyeball I ever did see!
Tuesday, 19 January 2010
Your early Morning Alarm Call
Its your early morning alarm call!
I've been shouting up the stairs
I've been rattling the pots and pans
The gong has been sounded
I'm slapping the wall with my hands
It's your early morning alarm call!
I've shouted three times already
Twice with a giant megaphone
And once with some rolled up bamboo
Fashioned into a comical cone
It's your early morning alarm call!
Have you gone back to sleep?
Have you pulled the duvet over your head?
It's getting late now and so
I'll have to tip you out of the bed!
Monday, 11 January 2010
Are You Ready For Blancmange?
Are you ready for blancmange
In the shape of a submarine?
Are you ready for cheese sandwiches
Made into tiny bi-planes?
Are you ready for cake
Shaped like a fake snake?
Are you ready for jelly
That wobbles like Granma?
Are you ready for custard
That you can stand your spoon up in?
Are you ready for sausage rolls
Made from textured vegetable protein?
You'd better go next door then
Thats where the party is!