Leaving Puddles

Leaving Puddles


The librarians withering look
spoke volumes
As she gingerly handled
the sopping wet book
The novel way my duffle coat sleeve
acted like a down pipe
"Is it raining outside?" she enquired
as more water splashed onto her shoe.

Leaving puddles on the floor
I looked up
The droplet on my nose wobbled
and sploshed onto my toes
"No" I said, "Just a little poetic
dribble".

on the floor was sheer poetry.

Chamber Of Chills

Chamber Of Chills


Step right up for the chamber of chills
Swallow these enormous pumpkin sized pills
Feel your head turning orange and green
Like a big ball of wool covered in cream

Strap yourself in to the runaway coffin
With just enough room for a skull and a boffin
Whose pouring a green liquid from outer space
And dwiddling some dials on your terrified face

See all the humpty back ghouls in their pits
Covered in vile gravy thats full of brown bits
And what's this I've found on the end of my tweezers?
A petrified wigwam full of old geezers

If You Go Down To The Woods Today

If You Go Down To The Woods Today


If you go down to the woods today
Watch out for the big floating eyes
The bears will be there too
Waiting for a big surprise

If all the bears that ever there was
Became hypnotised by the eyes
They would forget their picnics
Because todays the day for pies

Found Heads

Found Heads


Found a nicer head today
Under the stairs in a cupboard
It lay - looking up at me
I put the old one away
Tied on the new head with cord

But I soon became bored
With this noggin too
Found another that was stored
Inside the coal bunker
Stuck it on with glue

Soon fed up with head number three
The way it twitched and flopped
Looked at me funny
Even with the hair all cropped
Its nose was runny

Head number four was the best
I found it in the attic
Wrapped in an old string vest
It grins and its hair stands up
When I comb it full of static

Just One Concerto

Just One Concerto

Just one concerto
Give it to me
Drenching water stream
From Italy

Tomorrow will be too wet
The fire is out
My tubas and trumpets
No longer spout

Handel's Water Music
Is justly reliant
Forever spraying buildings
From my trusty appliance

The Great Flood

The Great Flood

Noah quickly closed the door
As the rain began to pour
All the animals were snug inside
The ark's great wooden hide

"Wait for us!" the fishes cried
Looking up at the stormy skies
But they were glad they were left out
As the Ark went up in the waterspout.

Squirrel Impulses

Squirrel Impulses

Nuts to those squirrel impulses
They make my brain itch
It makes my dandruff feel rough
Fluffs up my scalp like a witch

Nuts to those lemming aids
They curl my eyebrows
The tiny hairs in my ears quiver
Like the udders of mad cows

Nuts to that weasel feeling
You get when you eat carrots
It may may you see in the dark
But it gives you a beak like a parrot