Ali Basham's Eyeball

Ali Basham's Eyeball


Ali Basham's eyeball was a fine sight
Glowing by the fire in the bright moonlight
It was the fairest eye in town
One day pink and the next day brown

Ali Basham's eyeball did sparkle so
It twinkled in the mid day snow
It winked and blinked and jiggled around
One day it popped out with a horrible sound

Ali Bashum's eyeball was a fine fellow
Sitting on a cushion of blue and yellow
It oggled and boggled and looked at me
The fairest eyeball I ever did see!

Your Early Morning Alarm Call

Your early Morning Alarm Call


Its your early morning alarm call!
I've been shouting up the stairs
I've been rattling the pots and pans
The gong has been sounded
I'm slapping the wall with my hands

It's your early morning alarm call!
I've shouted three times already
Twice with a giant megaphone
And once with some rolled up bamboo
Fashioned into a comical cone

It's your early morning alarm call!
Have you gone back to sleep?
Have you pulled the duvet over your head?
It's getting late now and so
I'll have to tip you out of the bed!

Are You Ready For Blancmange?

Are You Ready For Blancmange?


Are you ready for blancmange
In the shape of a submarine?
Are you ready for cheese sandwiches
Made into tiny bi-planes?

Are you ready for cake
Shaped like a fake snake?
Are you ready for jelly
That wobbles like Granma?

Are you ready for custard
That you can stand your spoon up in?
Are you ready for sausage rolls
Made from textured vegetable protein?

You'd better go next door then
Thats where the party is!

A Christmas Dream

A Christmas Dream


Crackers to you and nuts of the season
Lovely mince pies with dollops of cream on
The warming glow of ginger wine
A tree with the lovely smell of pine

A joke, a hat and a plastic gew-gaw
Some bits of holly nailed to the door
Hanging lanterns and paper chains
The ever increasing weight gains

Time to stagger off to bed
Your paper hat upon your head
Fall asleep and begin to snore
Peace on earth for evermore

Tangle Beard

Tangle Beard


If your beard's in a tangle
Try putting it through a mangle
If that doesn't seem to work
Comb out the knots with a fork.

If your beard's all sticky with toffee
Try washing it out with beer from the "offy"
If that doesn't seem to do it
Pull it off and then re-glue it.

Emergency Beards

Emergency Beards


I have three emergency beards on my wall.
One dark, one grey and one sandy
I've never had a occasion to use them atall
But you never know when they'll come in handy

Leaving Puddles

Leaving Puddles


The librarians withering look
spoke volumes
As she gingerly handled
the sopping wet book
The novel way my duffle coat sleeve
acted like a down pipe
"Is it raining outside?" she enquired
as more water splashed onto her shoe.

Leaving puddles on the floor
I looked up
The droplet on my nose wobbled
and sploshed onto my toes
"No" I said, "Just a little poetic
dribble".