Travel Diary Of A Worm

My Favourite Things

My Favourite Things


Sleigh bells, donuts and bright wooly kittens
Bright copper kettles filled up with mittens
Brown paper pumpkins tied up with string
These are a few of my favourite things

A Fun Guy To Be With

A Fun Guy To Be With


Off to the glowing woods we go
To find fungi hiding under the trees
Behind those dripping clumps of weeds
Get down on your hands and knees
And give the little puff ball a squeeze

Pile up high the toadstools
Gather them in their dozens
Be careful though as some are sticky
Make you sick and a bit icky
Choosing can be sometimes tricky

Cubis United

Cubis United


My team is Cubis United
They are the best in all the land
Always ready for a game
With every team around

Heading the ball is difficult
Because they have no heads
Just blocks of oak and chestnut
And cubes of sycamore

But they can kick and dribble
As fast any Renaldo
Their heads maybe made of wood
But their feet are made of lightning

Noah's Bus

Noah's Bus


Noah had no time to wait
For the building of the ark
They all piled on the number 8
And jumped off at the park

Alphabet Of Sick Fruit

Alphabet Of Sick Fruit


A is for apricots under the weather
B is for bananas with yellow fever
C is for cranberries feeling very sneezy, hah!
D is for dates with galloping amnesia
E is for elderberries with water retention
F is for figs with a fungal infection
G is for grapes with terrible skin
H is for rose hips that need replacing
I is for incredible jumping plum disease
J is for juniper with knobbly knees
K is for kiwi fruit with rotten dandruff
L is for lychees all covered in fluff
M is for mango wityh in-growing pips
N is for nectarine with dry old chapped lips
O is for oranges suffering with scurvy
P is for pineapples all jumpy and nervy
Q is for quince who are feeling unwell
R is for raspberries beginning to smell
S is for satsumas with all kinds of woes
T is for tomatoes like a clown's nose
U is for unhappy lemons left out of the L's
V is for vanilla with no sense of smell
W is for watermelon feeling sea-sicky

O dear this last bit gets quite tricky!
X,Y and Z fruits, I have never met
So that's the end of my sick alphabet

Brussel Sprouts From Venus

Brussel Sprouts From Venus



Brussel sprouts from Venus
They are the vilest and meanest
Alien life forms to invade our turf
I've seen those evil vegetables
Landing in their flying collanders
Smelling like nothing on earth

Gruesome gherkins from Jupiter
Dripping with slime and covered in hair
Ray guns at their hips
They rampage across our planet
Zapping everything that moves
Spitting out seeds and poisonous pips

Red raging rhubarb from Mars
Pickled onions in their flying jars
Putrid potatoes with nasty green eyes
All hell bent on world domination
I really will not rest
Until they are caught and put in pies

High Society

High Society


Nibbles at two? I don't mind if I do
I say, the evening air is a bit nippy up here
Shall we retire to the drawing room for sherry
Or would you rather have a small beer

Wonderful view of the stars don't you know
Quite delightfully spiffy
Jeeves has just gone inside for cigars
He'll be back again in a jiffy

Please take a look at my etchings
There are some lovely one's of the moon
I bought them at Harrods this morning
Along with a fine silver spoon

Friendly Cheese

Friendly Cheese


Come friendly cheese and fall on cows
There is no reason to go there now.
They moo and grunt and cluck like hens
They spill their butter on the lens

The camera clicks the shutter blinks
The cheese is off and really stinks
My yoghurt pot is all askew
Just what Am I to do with you?

Give me one reason to shut the gate
To stop the hairy things escape
They are no good for man nor cheese
Grind them up for sausages please.

Ali Basham's Eyeball

Ali Basham's Eyeball


Ali Basham's eyeball was a fine sight
Glowing by the fire in the bright moonlight
It was the fairest eye in town
One day pink and the next day brown

Ali Basham's eyeball did sparkle so
It twinkled in the mid day snow
It winked and blinked and jiggled around
One day it popped out with a horrible sound

Ali Bashum's eyeball was a fine fellow
Sitting on a cushion of blue and yellow
It oggled and boggled and looked at me
The fairest eyeball I ever did see!

Your Early Morning Alarm Call

Your early Morning Alarm Call


Its your early morning alarm call!
I've been shouting up the stairs
I've been rattling the pots and pans
The gong has been sounded
I'm slapping the wall with my hands

It's your early morning alarm call!
I've shouted three times already
Twice with a giant megaphone
And once with some rolled up bamboo
Fashioned into a comical cone

It's your early morning alarm call!
Have you gone back to sleep?
Have you pulled the duvet over your head?
It's getting late now and so
I'll have to tip you out of the bed!

Are You Ready For Blancmange?

Are You Ready For Blancmange?


Are you ready for blancmange
In the shape of a submarine?
Are you ready for cheese sandwiches
Made into tiny bi-planes?

Are you ready for cake
Shaped like a fake snake?
Are you ready for jelly
That wobbles like Granma?

Are you ready for custard
That you can stand your spoon up in?
Are you ready for sausage rolls
Made from textured vegetable protein?

You'd better go next door then
Thats where the party is!