Monkey Business

Monkey Business

I'm Jock The Leg (diddle widdle wimp )

With my extra chimp

Just what do Scotsmen have under their kilts?

Does it like bananas or quilts?

Does it make him walk with a limp?

Unusual Holidays Again

Unusual Holidays Again


Broccoli knobbling in Bovey Tracey

Tub thumping in Ilfracombe

Jumping around a lot in Iceland

Ferret fondling in Shepton Mallet

Bruce Forsyth spotting in Tescos

Slippin' and a slidin' in Llandudno

Cork engraving in the Algarve

Frosty reception on the Gower peninsula

Out Through The Inn Door

In Out The Inn Door


In one door and out another
With a double bass
An old weighing machine
And a parcel from my Mother

Jim's Shed

Jim's Shed


At the bottom of the garden
Tucked away behind the greenhouse
Is Jim's shed
A place of wonder and confusion
Flower pots and rusty tools
Is Jim's shed
A treasure trove of paint pots
Old records and spools of tape
Was Jim's shed
A place to hide and escape
From all the kids and the missus
Is Jim's shed

Chorus

Come on down to Jim's shed
It's lovely down at jim's shed
Get the old kettle on
Down at Jim's shed
Let's all have a cuppa tea
Down at Jim's shed

Car Boot Sale

Car Boot Sale



You can buy all manner of stuff
Scratchy records covered in fluff
Tins of pins and rusty metal
A bit of a spout from some old kettle

There's no toilets as you can see
But you can go behind a handy tree
Or just there where the sign says "gents"
Between the hot dogs and the wonky fence

Clothes that have seen better days
Books, comics and novelty ash trays
Oh please lets hope its sunny
I wanna go out and spend some money!

Unusual Holidays

Unusual Holidays.

Ive been on some unusual holidays in my time
Like whittling potatoes at Newcastle Under Lyme
Pheasant plucking in Portsmouth also comes to mind
I've been on some unusual holidays in my time

I've been on some unusual holidays in my day
Like riding a camel across Cardiff Bay
Skiing down the the middle of ther Wembly Way
I've been on some un ususual holidays in my day

I've been on some unusual holidays in my life
Like jumping off the top of the Old Man Of Fife
In Margate where I went duck hunting with the wife
I've been on some unusual holidays in my life

It's A Funny Old Street

IT'S A FUNNY OLD STREET


Mr. Jones and number twenty four
Has a coupla'cabbages nailed to his door
Mrs. Brown at number thirty five
Has thirteen elephants blockin' her drive

Chorus-
Its a funny old street
A bleedin' funny old street


Old Mr .Simpson from number forty two
Has a giant cactus growing in his loo
The Smiths from number fifty three
Have a gorilla in their monkey puzzle tree