Tangle Beard

Tangle Beard


If your beard's in a tangle
Try putting it through a mangle
If that doesn't seem to work
Comb out the knots with a fork.

If your beard's all sticky with toffee
Try washing it out with beer from the "offy"
If that doesn't seem to do it
Pull it off and then re-glue it.

Emergency Beards

Emergency Beards


I have three emergency beards on my wall.
One dark, one grey and one sandy
I've never had a occasion to use them atall
But you never know when they'll come in handy

Leaving Puddles

Leaving Puddles


The librarians withering look
spoke volumes
As she gingerly handled
the sopping wet book
The novel way my duffle coat sleeve
acted like a down pipe
"Is it raining outside?" she enquired
as more water splashed onto her shoe.

Leaving puddles on the floor
I looked up
The droplet on my nose wobbled
and sploshed onto my toes
"No" I said, "Just a little poetic
dribble".